Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
they need to just BURY HIM!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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