I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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