so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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