OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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