my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
