There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
