If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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