the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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