Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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