ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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