Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
