Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
