i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
