There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
