I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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