Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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