stop calling my apartment porn island.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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