I'm going to jail i love you
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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