theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
