You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
