he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
