once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
