How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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