We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
