Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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