Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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