this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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