Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
