found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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