$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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