You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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