Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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