The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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