Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Two words: nipple clamps
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