There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize