Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
