I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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