He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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