she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
