I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Of course I have a pirate flag
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
