He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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