im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
