By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
