i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
