I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
