I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
