you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
