hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
