Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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