I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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