Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
