Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
