And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
