Your dad touched me again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
