Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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