cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
