there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
