she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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