you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
