New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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