there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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