I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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