so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
