go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
