Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
