The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My pussy is not your playground.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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