You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
