You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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