Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
