I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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