I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
