currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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