Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
