Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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