She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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