I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
