Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
