I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
