like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
