Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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