How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize