I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
